Honesty, it seems like such a simple concept and the solid foundation that all relationships should be built on. I firmly believe that two people can accomplish anything as long as they can be honest with each other. It's how I initiate all of my relationships, friends and lovers. When someone agrees with you on this basic principle you're off to a great start.
But what do you do when your partner swears that they're being honest with you but events occur that cast serious doubt on their words? You have two options.. you cut and run or you stay and trust. After all, this person loves you, they've made plans for a future with you, why would they be untrue? You rationalize the excuses and if they're plausible you believe.
I look back now and realize that I was to trusting. Which taught me a valuable lesson. Actions do speak louder than words no matter how cliché it sounds, always go with your gut. So here is the story of James (not his real name).
James and I met on Tinder in September of 2015. We conversed for a couple of weeks prior to our first date. He was a single Dad to a young son that was going through a divorce from an abusive spouse. He was new to our area having moved here recently for his job. And I fell for him quickly.
He seemed sweet and shy. He told me that his life had been full of hardships resulting in both him and his son suffering from PTSD. He appealed to my natural instinct to nurture and protect. Our relationship started like many others based on common interests, future plans and mutual attraction. But it didn't progress as most relationships should.
After a few months when it would have been natural to integrate our lives more we started hitting roadblocks. His fear that his son was undergoing too many changes and that introducing him to a new person would cause additional problems with his PTSD became the main problem we faced. It was easy for me to agree with him and postpone normal milestones in an effort to ensure his child was cared for correctly. And we continued in this manner for many more months.
Several dates were eventually made to introduce me to his son which were all cancelled. Then things started to fall apart. The death of his Mom out of state and the loss of his job brought everything to a head. How could I help support him in these difficult times when he refused to bring me fully into his life? I started wondering why? He had friends that his child interacted with, why would knowing me be such a bad thing?
A couple of month after the eventual breakdown of our relationship I discovered the answer. It's very hard to introduce your child to the side chick without the main chick finding out. Yup, all of those months of sweet talk and promises were a lie. I'm not sure what if any of the information and feelings we shared were real. It was quite a blow. How could I have been fooled for so long?
I consider myself an intelligent woman, how had I been hoodwinked for so long? I was in love, I trusted and I believed in him. He told me I was his best friend, his sanity when things were going poorly and we definitely had it going on in the bedroom. Things ended with very little closure and it wasn't until recently that I discover I had been lied to the whole time.
How do you come back from that? How do you ever trust your instincts again when they were so wrong. How do you trust future lovers when you were so sure of this one? That's kinda where I'm stuck, wondering if honesty and love even exist anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment